IT'S HERE! Available on all platforms, our latest 6-song album “Not Here Yet” is now streaming wherever you find music!
Believe it or not, this is the painting that started it all. On March 25th of this year, I posted this on my facebook page:
"When inspiration strikes, you have no choice but to chase it down. Last week, I painted a picture that inspired what’ll likely end up becoming a 6-song album, stripped down both musically and emotionally.
Too many songs today are so stinking upbeat, like some slick veneer of disingenuous armor plastered over a hollowed out and worn down soul. I hope these songs will gift you with room to wonder, permission to doubt, and acres of space to rest and, somehow, learn to hope again. The title track and album will be called 'Not Here Yet.' More to come."
So here it is, the "more to come" I alluded to less even six months ago when I first started tracking these songs! Be sure to check it out Spotify, Apple, Youtube, etc, share it, and let us know what you think!
You might remember the song "Breathe" (released October 2023) that delved into my own experiences with disillusionment and depression. This album is like further exploration, digging even more deeply beneath the surface, delving into questions of whether or not God is even there and whether or not God even cares when we are faced with situations beyond our capacity and understanding. And for all the album seeks to say, it's ultimately still one long prayer of trust. Why? Because even with its questions, it directs them all, still, to the One we trust.
Amen.
Without further ado, here are the lyrics & chords, credits, & a specific short story behind each song.
Heavy Still
This song was written in response to a prompt given during the 2022-2023 season of 12 Song Challenge to write something based around a psalm. Joined by Keiko Ying on cello, this song draws its inspiration from the hope-filled melancholy I read in Psalm 126.
When You brought us all back home
It was like a dream
We were filled with songs of hope
Joy and reverie
As we heard the nations say
“God’s done great things!”
So if You have, then why, O God,
Is all this happening?
Restore, O Lord
Like streams renew the desert place
‘Cause my heart is heavy still
Yes, my heart is heavy still
Could the tears we plant in faith
A fruitful harvest earn?
Or the weeping soon give way
To new life in return?
‘Cause I know Your word is true
And I know You’re there
But it feels like nothing else
Could ever come from here
Restore, O Lord
Like streams renew the desert place
‘Cause my heart is heavy still
Yes, my heart is heavy still
Not Here Yet
The tune came first with this one. Although it immediately felt special, I struggled to form any words around it. Months went by, so I decided to reach out to a prolific poet I'd only heard rumors about at the time named Kate Bluett with little more than this prompt: "longing." Less than 24 hours later, she sent me the rough draft of these profound lyrics.
When all the world is sleeping,
The stars and I are weeping.
When the night came down, my sorrows came in,
And though my heart is aching,
I know dawn is breaking,
And I know my joy will come once again.
O God, you made a promise
The end of every sadness
But no one knows the hour or the day
When we will see your glory,
When you come restoring,
And it’s hard to hope with all things in wait.
So we cry, “When, Lord, when?
When will you come again?”
Yes, “When, Lord, when?
Come to us again!”
I know it ends in glory,
The road you set before me,
That you triumph even over my death,
But all that’s lost behind me,
Oh, may it someday find me
In the joy of all that’s still not here yet
Man of Sorrows
Early in our relationship, Grace made a comment about how "less is more." I agreed with her, but if you've ever listened to me speak or watched me play, you know I struggle to embody the concept. This song was an attempt to let my words (and my notes) be few. Given the subject matter, it makes sense. Along with Grace singing, Keiko did all the cello work. Stunning.
May the groanings of my soul, rise
Like incense to your throne, rise
Man of sorrows, weep with me
In my weakness, in my need
Man of sorrows, be with me now
Let the glory of your name, rise
Yes, even in this place, rise
Man of sorrows, weep with me
In my weakness, in my need
Man of sorrows, be with me now
May the groanings of my soul, rise
Like incense to your throne, rise
Overwhelmed
An enormous thank you to Jon Guerra's songwriting masterclass for this song as it was the first song written after working through his exercises. To make it even sweeter, I had the joy of being part of a songwriting cohort with him, and he had some incredibly encouraging words about the song to help me develop it further. It was...overwhelming (pun intended).
Racing fast
like a gentle rain
caught up within a hurricane—
I’ll never last
Heart rate drops
as I'm suddenly
enraptured by this symphony
of who you are...
Who you are is powerful
Who you are is beautiful
And I am overwhelmed by you
Gently now
it’s you I hear
as waters rise, you’re calling me
without a sound
And grounding me
confounding me
surrounding me through everything
in everything
Who you are is terrible
Who you are is wonderful
And I am overwhelmed by you
Yes I am overwhelmed by you
When I am overwhelmed
Overwhelm me
When I am overwhelmed
Overwhelm me
Echoes
With guitars added by Matthew Montgomery, this is my first (and only) song ever written with ChatGPT. I asked it to help me write a song in the style of Fernando Ortega, then the Beatles, then Andrew Peterson... it was awkward, clunky, wooden. Nothing seemed to "sing" to me. Then a spark lit as I read the phrase "summer's rain." Don't know how, don't know why, but this song emerged hours later. God seems to work through the most bizarre of things sometimes, doesn't he?!
When shadows gather ‘round my soul
When sorrows swallow all I’ve known
Tomorrows are drowned in yesterdays
And it seems I’ll never see your face
When teardrops fall like summer’s rain
And anguish crashes down again
The whole world has all but turned to gray
And it seems I’ll never see your face
Let faith arise until the morning light
Let hope resound in echoes through the night
Once darkness fell upon a hill
Forever to sever us from him
Until glory broke through in brightest rays
Now nothing can ever hide your face
Let faith arise until the morning light
Let hope resound in echoes through the night
Abide With Me
This brings us to the last song (which you can read more about here). This seemed the perfect ending given the arc of this album: beginning and ending both with just my voice and cello. Why? Because in the end, despite the shifts in style and approach—whether leaning into tradition and those around me, coming to find Jesus in the midst, relationships, isolation, and collaboration—through it all, beginning to end, the God we call out to in the first place is the God who has always been with us through it all.
Abide with me, fast falls the eventide
The darkness deepens, Lord, with me abide
When other helpers fail and comforts flee
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me
I fear no foe, with You at hand to bless
Ills lose their weight, and tears their bitterness
Where is your sting, death? O grave, your victory?
I triumph still, when You, abide with me
Hold now the cross before my closing eyes
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies
Heaven's morning breaks now, and earth's vain shadows flee
In life, in death, Lord, abide with me
Thanks for taking the time to read and listen. Any help you're willing to offer in sharing this post and/or our music is so deeply appreciated. We pray this has and will continue to bless you!
